1) Don't Play Dumb
I really don't understand
this, but I see it A LOT. It seems that for some reason it is
"cool" for a girl to be an airhead or to be a "dumb blond."
Why? Someone explain this to me. What I do know is that of all the
quality men (and women) I've met that are the kind of people you want to end up
with do not find this attractive (in fact just the opposite). If you want
others to take you seriously and respect you, take yourself seriously. You
don't have to be a rocket scientist, but you also don't need to act like you’re
dumb as rocks.
2) You Are More than Your Appearance
I was going to say, “You
are beautiful” but not all young women like that word or feel “girly” so I want
to use a more inclusive way of talking about this. You are more than your body and more than your looks. Many young women and girls feel they
are not attractive. For many it is
that they feel “fat” and compare themselves to an “ideal” woman. That woman DOESN’T EXIST. The women we see in magazines are
HEAVILY Photoshopped. That’s
right, even super models don’t look like super models. Love your body; it is a part of
you. But also know that there is
so much more to you than your looks.
Looks really don’t count as much as you might think. Who you are, how you treat
others, how you love others and yourself, what you’re passionate about, your
weird quirks and even your “flaws” - these are the things that make you who you
are, a person with inherent self-worth.
These are the things that make a person attractive as well.
3) You WILL Get Your Heart Broken, and You'll Live.
Despite what Bruno Mars
says, you won't need morphine to survive a break-up. Ask any adult, they
can tell you at least one horror story, maybe more. We've all lived
through them, some more dramatic than others. It will hurt, but you will
get through it. Don't buy into the hype out there in love songs and bad
movies. Hold on to the good things
in your life- your friends, your family- and keep going. In fact, that's just
one of the good reasons to put as much energy into your friendships and family
as you do dating.
4) Don’t Act a Fool on
Facebook (or Twitter)
Everything that you post
is seen by EVERYONE on your friend list.
For this reason, I recommend you think before you post so that you avoid
a number of Facebook girl faux pas. For example, the passive aggressive post
about someone else that you “don’t name.”
Another faux pas is the cryptic status update, where you post part of
something you want to say but know you shouldn’t in public so you do this weird
halfway thing instead. For example, posts like “Does he know…” Really? Stop it. Then there is the whinny song
lyric post, usually by Taylor swift.
Example: “turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you.” Stop it. If you want to say something, do
it. Otherwise, don’t use Facebook to hint at it. Oh and then there is the over-share- “I have such bad
cramps!” Thanks, no. Not a status update. Of course, all of this goes for Tweets
as well. Oh yea, and don’t take
the duck face pics. Really.
5) Your Parents Aren't Perfect but Their Advice is Often Right
This goes for some other
adult figures as well. I didn't want to listen to anything my dad told
me. I thought he was nagging me. The older I've gotten, the more I've
seen of the "real world," the more I realize just how much I should
have listened to my dad's advice about practical things. The thing is,
until you are on your own you don't know what all is involved in having to pay
rent and bills, find jobs, and so forth. Your parents' advice about life
decisions now can help you later. Your parents' advice can also help you
now. You may think they are morons, but they have lived through
everything you have and more. They can help you negotiate high school and
peer pressures. They can help you make choices that will keep you safe.
No, they aren't ALWAYS right, they are human. They will mess up and
yell sometimes when they shouldn't, but they do have a lot of wisdom to offer.
So listen.
6) Don't Get Married Until You're at Least 25
OK, so maybe not LITERALLY
25 for everyone, but I'd say it’s a good rule of thumb. It seems like everyone
was going for the "ring by spring" in college. I think part of
it is a romantic/emotional desire, but part of it is a desire to be "grown
up" to prove we are adults. Marriage is a great thing and yes in
some ways a right-of-passage, but don't be so focused on getting married that
you just jump in as soon as you get serious with someone. You will grow A
LOT in college, but you will also change even more after you graduate. I
never fully knew who I was until at least the end of my first year of
seminary. My psychologist friend told me this is pretty consistent with
the studies they have in the psychology world - that you aren't fully
"formed" until around 25. She also told me that statistically
people who marry after 25 have more "successful"
marriages. So slow down!!! You have your whole life to be married.
Get to know a person, and see if you are truly compatible.
7) Tights Are Not
Pants:
No, really.... they're
not. Tights or leggings are to be worn UNDER something and not out in the
open in the place of actual pants. In your life there will be numerous
fashion trends that are similarly ridiculous - do not be fooled!!
8) It’s OK to Be Strong, AND it's OK to Cry
Our culture gives a very
narrow definition of what it means to be a man or a woman. While things
have changed a good bit and we are becoming more open to women being strong, in
many ways we still expect women to be weak both physically and
emotionally. For boys, not much has changed - boys still aren't supposed
to cry. Here's the thing - we made that crap up. In some cultures
it’s reversed - women are the strong ones. So be strong when you want to
be strong, and cry when you need to cry. If you want to play sports, do
so. If you want to dance, do so. Your preferences and interests are
natural and uniquely a part of who you are. I must add that for all
people - guys, girls, adults, kids- it IS OK to cry. I think our culture
is uncomfortable with strong emotions, especially grief. Let yourself
express your feelings when they come.
9) It’s OK to Say
"No"
The more I work with teenage
girls the more I find them telling me things they've done with their
boyfriends that they didn’t really seem like they wanted to do. So
often it sounds like they either felt like they "should" be
doing something or just went along with what the guy wanted. I don't know
what messages are out there in our culture telling young heterosexual women
that they must be passive and just go along with whatever guys want.
Maybe it's something in the water. Whatever the reason, the message is
wrong. Having a healthy relationship means both people are mutually
respectful and fulfilled. If a person cares for you they will respect
your comfort level. If not, then they're aren't worth keeping around
anyway. Your feelings and your choices matter. This has implications for
all of life as well. There are
many ways our society tells women to be passive - start making your own choices
now. Your feelings count and your
choices should be yours.
10) Be Who You Truly
are, Even if it’s Not “Cool”:
You will never be happy
trying to conform to something you are not. You will never be happy until you live fully as yourself in
your own skin. Don’t get me wrong,
it’s not that looking trendy or like all your friends is bad, IF that is who you
are too. But if there is a
part of you that is different, embrace that too. Whatever that may be or look like.
“When you learn to love yourself, you will dissolve all the stones that
are cast, you will learn to burn the icing sky and to melt the waxen mask. Yes,
to have the gift of true release, this is a peace that will take you higher. I
come to you with my offering, I bring you strange fire.”
-Indigo Girls, Strange Fire
No comments:
Post a Comment