1) Being an Introvert in Ministry is Hard:
I'd say this is the main thing I've learned and am STILL learning how to handle. Many of the ministers I have had, especially senior pastors, were extroverts who could work a crowd. I am not that person. I can stand up and preach a sermon, in fact I enjoy it. However, as soon as the service is over I will stumble through the time in the receiving line. I can talk one on one with someone for hours about "deeper" things but just chatting up everyone after church is more challenging for me than running a marathon. I am the person that goes to parties and will stand by the trash can or the chips and salsa- I figure everyone will come by there at some point. So I found myself being perceived differently than I am. If I could go back and do some things differently I would, but I can only try to move forward. I'm learning that I will have to do things that stretch me out of my comfort zone. Its not that i have to be an extrovert, trying to do so would be a disaster. But I also have to be a bit less "quite." I haven't totally found this balance yet, but I know I'm closer today than I was a year ago.. In fact I'm reading a book on it.... expect more post to come on this point
2) Having a CDL Licence might not be a bad investment:
Seminaries should offer a CDL course!! Trying to find a way to transport people for retreats in an affordable way is a PAIN!! If I had a CDL, we could borrow the church bus from Grace UMC down the road. But even if you just drive a 15 passenger van, knowing how to drive a large vehicle and feel comfortable is key, especially when you then add screaming teenagers in the back. Lucky for me, I learned how to drive in a Suburban, and I worked grounds crew in college so I drove dump trucks and other random machinery. So, for my seminary friends, especially if you think you'll ever work with youth... maybe take a class or at least find some soccer moms in your church and get them to sit in the back of their van/suburban/SUV and role play screaming like kids or teenagers while you try to drive. It will improve your prayer life.
3) CPE... you just thought it was over..
During CPE you walk with people through major medical emergencies and sometimes during deaths. You learn some pastoral care "skills," as well as how to cope with your own emotions during those times. and you hate it... and then you think you're done. But for me, I found myself going back to those habits of reflections. Why? At least in my experience, when it is someone you know, it changes things. Big time. It hits you in a way that you won't experience in CPE. It's not that you didn't care about the other people who were strangers, it's just that that your own emotions come into play much more when you already have a relationship with the patient or family. For me, this added a whole other dynamic to giving care to someone when it affects you in a way you aren't used to. CPE was just the start. You have to build on it.
4) You will make plans. They will go out the window. Things will go wrong.
Exhibit A: VBS 2012- the Norovirus outbreak. Exhibit B: new thurible sets off smoke detector. Exhibit C: as the result of sleep depravation from a retreat, you leave you wallet at the cabin and don't realize until an hour into the trip home. I have more but you get the point. Despite your plans something will go wrong. Be flexible, say a prayer, and try to find a way to make things work as best you can. Sometimes you'll recover ok, and sometimes you'll fail. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just ask for help or call in for reinforcements to Lysol ALL THE THINGS!!! Good News, the only perfect pastor was Jesus. You are not him.
5) Facebook is Good for more than just announcements:
When I was in Seminary I had a rule of thumb- I will not "friend" parishioners but will just let them friend me. I was SUPER worried about boundaries. I still have this rule of thumb for youth (really, it's creepy for an adult to "friend" a minor. Don't do it. Let them decide). I still have other boundaries in place, especially with youth, but I've realized that perhaps I missed an opportunity. Facebook can be a great way to get to know your parishioners. Not only will it help you learn names during those first few weeks, but you also can get to know their stories, see their kids and/or pets, their hobbies and just be social. If I could go back, I'd use it more.
6) Boundaries really are that important, and no one will set them for you.
In seminary you talk alot about boundaries in theory. Yes, they are THAT important. Of course we can all think of the examples of obvious black and white boundary issues- the pastor who gets into a romantic relationship with a parishioner or the one who has no boundaries on time and works him/herself to death. The thing is, most boundaries aren't that obvious they're little things and things that aren't always black and white, but they make a big difference in keeping us healthy. But... seminary only gives you so many practical lessons, the rest you have to figure out on your own. This is especially true the more and more we interact through technology. Between cell phones, facebook, twitter and e-mail you will be able to interact anytime, anywhere, with just about anyone. So you have to decide what is ok and insist on those boundaries... it's the insisting on it that is not easy. If you aren't sure what is a good boundary, ask your fellow staff, conference minister, bishop, or more expereinced clergy. They're very helpful.
7) If you are a Liturgy snob and you are in a protestant church you're going to have to learn to relax.
I will confess, I can't stand when there is something that is liturgically incorrect or out of order or... well you get the point. I'm one of those people that gets annoyed if the paraments are the wrong color. Here's the thing, we live in the real world. So unless you want to go crazy, you're going to have to learn to let some things go. Lord have mercy, you may even have to wear a geneva gown at times if you go to a church that is not liturgical. So breath and try to be flexible, especially if your not the senior pastor. Its not that we shouldn't aim for excellence, but its also just not worth having a heart attack over correct vestments or the "passing of the peace" being in the wrong order. Find the balance between suggesting things that might be helpful and just being annal.
And One Bonus: You Will need to Keep learning.
Your education, both formal and informal, didn't end when you got to prance around in your cap and gown. Keep reading, go to seminars... the church is still changing. You need to keep learning to keep up with those changes. Also, you as a person and a pastor are not ever done growing and changing. so keep reflecting. Learn from your mistakes. And please, please have a therapist or spiritual director or someone who can help you do so. Also, it's a good idea have more experienced ministers in your life as mentors as well.
